Its time for reparations. After hiding in the closet for zher entire life The Railer can finally come out thanks to a first-day Executive Order from Not-My-President DimJoe Biden. You see, decades ago it was not possible for The Railer to show zhiz true self, to publicly resolve that inner conflict that zhe struggled so wearily to suppress. To echo a Shania Twain refrain, “I feel like a woman.” It is long past time for The Railer to claim zhiz rightful titles.
You see, the America of both past and present was/is a land of structural racism, structural sexism, and homo/trans/Islamo/poly/pedo/bestial/… phobias. Only now, with the removal of the Trump Antichrist can The Railer finally reveal zher true self.
DimJoe, in Godlike fashion, has declared that no differences exist between men and women. With the stroke of his pen he decreed that gender is strictly a social construct. If you say that you are a man, you’re a man. If you say that you are a woman, you’re a woman. You are entitled to all rights and privileges, under law, backed by the police power of the State, due your self-identified gender declaration. No surgery or hormones needed (“SCIENCE!” says males retain physical advantages post puberty anyway); your gender is based entirely on what you feeeeelllll.
Here’s the money quote from DimJoe’s Executive Order:
It is the policy of my Administration to prevent and combat discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation, and to fully enforce Title VII and other laws that prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation.
His order includes the usual social justice jibberish and the inversion of legal precedents, but the impact will be no less devastating to many hard-won women’s rights. Take for example the right to compete against similarly endowed women. Thanks to the Solomonic wisdom of DimJoe, women athletes will now compete against biological men.
In that spirit, The Railer steps forward to claim zhiz long overdue recognition. Decades ago, the Railer was a moderately successful Illinois High School cross-country athlete. Not state finals caliber but zhee broke the tape in about half of the school-against-school meets. Zher best time? 15:38 for a 3-mile race that landed zher mid-pack in the big school, post-season sectional meet. The illegitimate Illinois Girls High School State Record, all classes, all time, was 15:54, set by a Chicago area cisgendered female in 2015.
With The Railer’s retroactive self-identification, we can now correct this past injustice. All hail The Railer as the one and true, Girl’s state cross country record holder. But there’s more. Turns out that The Railer is an Illinois High School Girl’s Athletic GOAT (greatest of all time).
That’s a tall claim, so let’s revisit a few more Railer records. The Railer’s best 880-yard time was 2:06 (breaking zhiz high school’s boy’s and girl’s records). The current Illinois girls record in the 800M event is 2:07. Time corrected for yards-to-meters that 2:07 is really 2:08. Winning! Another Illinois HS Girls record for The Railer. Not to pile on, but The Railer could similarly and easily lay claim to the 1600M and 3200M records as well. That’s four, FOUR, all time Illinois High School Girls State records due The Railer. IHSA, we’ll tell ya later where to send the trophies.
The Railer’s records have stood, unacknowledged, for more than 40 years. No doubt these will all be quickly broken, wiped away now that DimJoe has opened the legal floodgates. All gender-shunned shims can finally compete openly, as their true selves. But The Railer would like to enjoy these few months of glory, before ziz records and those of ziz once-heralded cis-sisters are forgotten.
The Wall Street Journal sums it up well in a January 23nd opinion piece titled “Joe Biden’s First Day Began the End of Girl’s Sports.”
Yet here we are. Decades of women’s achievement and opportunity rolled back by executive fiat. Battered women’s shelters, women’s jails and other safe spaces that receive federal funding and constitute “dwellings” under the Fair Housing Act may be next. Women’s rights turn out to be cheap and up for grabs. Who will voice objection?
Feminist groups are rightly outraged. The Women’s Liberation Front, WOLF, put it bluntly: “Biden Executive Order on Gender Identity Will Eviscerate Women’s Rights.” Eviscerate is one of The Railer’s favorite words, and its use is deliciously correct. But no tears, The Railer can’t help but mock this mosh pit of complicit victims. Delivered to their liberal utopia by their votes for King of the Basement, they’re suddenly unhappy with this great victory over the deplorables (you know, the ignorant folks who believe you can determine gender by simple visual inspection).
Liberals have spent the last 50+ years forcing every manner of fake rights and inverted realities onto the American people, forcing Orwellian suppression of obvious truths regarding economics, education, immigration, marriage, families, race, religion, and gender. To Orwell’s “WAR IS PEACE, SLAVERY IS FREEDOM, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH” we can add:
“MEN ARE WOMEN.”
Once government declares that “all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others,” then civilized life inevitably devolves into a dirty, political, ugly, all-against-all fight. We’ll be fighting over this one for a long time.